Often time using a private investigator can be daunting or even not suitable for your budget so the DIY solution is here for you with the most efficient way to check your partner’s iPhone for suspect behaviour.
When you’re doing this is, it is most likely without your partners consent which I can’t advocate or condone but I do understand why. Being driven to do this for most people means there is a reason for suspicion.
I’m sorry to say, this will not be feasible unless you can get access to the phone via the passcode unlock or if your partner’s face is available. Please remember unlocking someone’s phone without their permission is a serious breach of privacy and potentially illegal, depending on where you are. Even in relationships, there’s a big difference between being curious and crossing into invasive territory.
Once are you are in however, the fastest ways to identify where someone uses their phone most is in the Screen Time Usage.
This is accessed via Settings > Screen Time > See All Activity
Here in this area of the app it will show you a full breakdown of where and which apps your partner is using the most. If for example they are using Instagram a lot this would be the place to check their messaging history.
For checking on unusual behaviours this is the best place believe it not!
Staying in the Settings App – If an app is used heavily but doesn’t have notifications on then why not?! It’s worth checking if the notifications are off for which apps.
This is accessed via Settings > Notifications
Here you will see a list of all the installed apps and which notifications are turned on or off.
Scroll through the list and look for messaging apps like:
Snapchat
Telegram
Messenger
Signal
If it says “Off” below any of those, that means notifications are completely turned off—no banners, no lock screen alerts, nothing. That’s a common move if someone’s trying to keep certain conversations private.
One area of peoples phones to look for which can be more tricky is Vault Apps.
Vault apps are disguised as harmless tools like calculators or photo editors, but they secretly store hidden photos, messages, or files behind a password.
If you spot a generic-looking app that doesn’t behave as expected, it could be a vault app designed to keep things out of sight.
Here is a good example of a basic Vault App; Vault – Hide Photos and Videos
Usually a vault app will have a passcode and if your partner is not stupid it will be different to the one used for unlocking the phone.
The use of a vault app alone isn’t serious cause for concern but would be worth asking what is stored in there – it could be more than a password storage app..
iPhones don’t make it easy to recover deleted messages, but here are a few ways you might spot signs of deleted conversations:
Recently Deleted Messages (iOS 16 and later)
Go to Messages > Edit (top-left) > Show Recently Deleted
This shows messages deleted in the last 30 days—unless they’ve been permanently erased. If this section is empty, it could mean someone’s manually cleared it.
iCloud Backup Check
If your partner uses iCloud backup, go to Settings > [Their Name] > iCloud > Manage Storage > Backups.
Tap the device listed and look under Messages to see if messages are backed up. If they are, it might be possible to restore them from a previous backup (though this requires erasing the phone and restoring—so not very subtle!).
Third-Party Messaging Apps
Don’t forget apps like WhatsApp, Snapchat, or Instagram DMs. These often have their own delete-for-both-parties options. Look for gaps in conversations, timestamps that jump, or weird context.
Finishing this months blog which was a fun test and learning for me I do want to round up on the privacy aspect.
While it’s natural to want answers when something feels off, it’s important to respect boundaries and privacy. If you’re at the point of checking deleted messages or digging deep into phone activity, it might be time for an open conversation. With either your partner or us…
Thanks for reading and stay safe!
Dan
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